Friday, April 13, 2012

That's crazy!!

Hello ladies. And my hubby (hi hon- you read my blog, dontcha??). I have been thinking this morning about how many times I have said "That's crazy!" or "It's crazy!" or "I know- I'm crazy!" these past few months. And yes- it truly is for me right now! I will explain.
I have a folder in my Ali J pics on facebook with me showing y'all some of the hat styles I had in for winter. It was really fun putting all those on of course, but in a metaphorical sense, all the hats I have to wear can really make me feel unhinged! I know, as women, we jump from one thing to another so fast our husbands or friends say, "where in the world did you come up with that?' I have heard it described as spaghetti. Women's train of thought (in many cases...not you lucky melancholy's probably...) goes from dishes to television to whether the kids are taken care of to the squeaky noise in the car to a friend's illness to the laundry. Big or small- we take it on all at once and try to manage it all!
Right now, it is very apparent to me that the hats I am wearing are some of the most important of my life so far. And the crazy part is that I have the privelige to actually wear them. Wife. Mom. Teacher. Business Owner. Friend. Sister. Daughter. I wonder if that feeling increases the older we get? Or decreases? Do we learn how to handle everything better, or do we learn to give ourselves a break?
As an overcoming perfectionist, letting myself not do everything my mind thinks I can handle is very tough. But, I am slowly learning that God will make sure His plan for me is fulfilled, in spite of me. In spite of my trying to be perfect, or trying to make everyone around me comfortable. I guess that isn't my job, huh? That is between them and Him. I want to be the person who can find more rest in that. Trust it. That He is the great vindicator and I don't need to worry making a case for myself. I just need to listen..or try to. I don't always hear Him but when I do, it is SO SWEET! That is what keeps me going- He is there, I can have faith and learn to trust.
So, for this business woman, I don't need to worry! He had the plan for the expansion of Ali J Boutique all worked out before I started selling scarves in coffee shops. He knows where it is headed, and frankly, if it is headed nowhere, I am to trust. Because He will take care of me. It is wonderful being able to encourage and uplift women in this little shop, but I sincerely believe if that is my gift, He will use it to His glory in here or elsewhere.
I am truly excited! Excited to see what is in store for Ali J's! Excited to see how I can be a blessing and serve this community and from there, who knows??

Friday, February 3, 2012


I really love Pandora. I love that I can put in an artist and then I don't have to think after that, except for when they play something WAY out of context..and I am like Snoop Dogg? On my Colbie Caillat station? Hmmm....
For the most part, I love it. A song by a gal I am not familiar with (yet) just played and it made me stop in my tracks. I of course clicked on the "thumbs up" but I wish there was another button when I REALLY like a song...a high five button? A jump up and down and squeal with delight button? A running man button!! A little dude doing the running man. That would make my year. So what is this song?
It is "Lovely" by Sara Haze on her album "My Personal Sky"
"Am i supposed to give up everything I am just to make you happy?"
"I am lovely just the way that I am."
How I wish I could have heard and believed this when I was 16. But that's ok. It has taken me a while- and I have a pretty harsh past history with figuring myself out, but God will use that. He already has and will continue to use it for His glory.
You see, in this song, it talks about not giving up your identity for someone else- that we are find being "little old me". But what it doesn't say is WHY. I had to learn this. I am perfect the way I am not because of this world, or because other people say I am, or even because I have found how to love myself. I am confident in myself because I AM HIS CREATION. We hear and read so many things about "loving yourself" "forgiving yourself" and all the flowery talk about searching within. But the problem is, until I realized that God is within- that He grants me all the beauty I posess, my searching was futile. People who don't include God in their encouragement to love themselves will keep going back to that same emptiness- well why didn't it last? I practiced self-talk and uplifting behavior- but I once again feel empty? It is because there needs to be a source GREATER than us. We are human and we are not capable of filling our own voids. We mess up. We hurt those around us. We fall. He doesn't mess up. He doesn't hurt us. He never falls.
So my message is this- if you are feeling like icky thoughts keep creeping back in despite your efforts to love yourself and "earn" positive self image, maybe you should consider your source. I have found I cannot do it for myself. I have to ask for my eyes and thoughts to be from Him.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Small town girl with big thoughts this mornin.

Lawdee dawdee da...lawdee dawdee down...I'm a small town girl makin it in a...SMALL TOWN.
K. Sorry. That's what has been going through my head this mornin! No big city for this girl- although I told my hubby last night that it sounds romantic or exciting or imagine what a country girl like me would feel "making it" in New York or PARIS (!). But then again, what is "making it" ??? I guess that is relative. To me, I am MAKING IT now! This year has been Crazy Blessed- thank you LORD for proving to me that the visions you have given me over the past 5 years were meant for me specifically, after I put in the work, the tears, and the dedication.
This picture showed up on my facebook feed this morning, and I felt a twinge to talk about it with y'all:
Ok. I want to first put out a disclaimer. I do not know for sure if the gals listed in the top row are naturally thin like that (as some gals are!) so I will not be putting them down. That would be hypocritical, as the point I hope to make is that we are all so very very different that all shapes should be appreciated for the unique works of art they are. One could very well argue that their shape isn't like ANY of the 8 gals, so where does that leave them? And I say that leaves you unique. It leaves you exactly YOU.
But to go along with what I believe the creator of this picture is saying, is that the "ideal" shape for a woman has changed so dramatically in the last 50 years that the shape that was much more natural, or curvy, or lets face it: FLUFFY is no longer. Except in a few cases in Hollywood (kim k, j.lo) it seems these curves are seen as "plus size" and these gals are somehow put in the category of being brave that they would shock of all shocks- actually embrace their curves!!
My point? In my ideal world (I imagine this all in my head- a land of such diverse bodies and shapes and absolutely no judgement...) there would be no terms like "Plus size" or "Ideal weight" because they are such obtuse words if you sit and think about it! At what point to we all decide this gal is now over the threshold of minus to Plus? Odd if you think about it. And ideal weight? Ideal to whom? Can ya see my bones, cuz they may be some substantial bones! :D
SO! I get what the person who posted this was trying to portray, and I do absolutely support fluff because that is what I believe God created woman to have- soft spots for her family to land on. But, moreover, find your sweet spot that is uniquely YOU- where you feel healthy, where you know you belong, and step out in the confidence that you are exactly how you are supposed to be.